How To Update Your Relationships For Menopause

Menopause can be a time of exuberant personal growth, self expression, and a feeling of a whole new lease on life, OR it can be a time when everything in your life is overrun by hot flashes, fatigue, irritability, and feeling old.

Either way things are changing and they're likely to affect your relationships.

There are two main ways menopause can affect your relationships. And in today's video/blog we'll take a look at both.

There are two things that can help you navigate relationship changes during menopause as smoothly as possible:

Ok before we dive in I want to put what we're covering today in perspective for you.

I'm going to show you two main ways menopause can affect your relationships and how to handle them.

In the first part of this blog I'm going to show you the personality changes you can expect during menopause, how they're fueled by the way the hormonal changes taking place in your body affect your brain, and how they can be a wonderful thing. I'll also explain how a small percentage of relationship problems are caused by these changes and how to minimize the friction they create.

In the second part of this blog I'll show you how having your hormones out of balance during menopause can lead to common discomforts that can easily create friction in relationships and how you can minimize the discomforts and the friction. 

And in the third part I'll give you tips for navigating this time.  I'll show you how you can minimize menopausal discomforts by balancing your hormones to avoid a lot of the common relationship friction, and how you can talk to your family about the up side of menopause and the changes you're embracing because of it, so they understand and can support you. 


The up side

The second spring

You experience a natural exuberance, increased energy and creativity, a desire to do some new kind of work in the world, and you find you have a decreased tolerance for anyone who wastes your time and energy by not being responsible or not supporting you in your desire for growth and self expression.

In Chinese medicine menopause is called "The Second Spring" and is seen as as a time that is meant to be quite a wonderful time in a woman's life.  As Dr Maoshong Ni says in his book "Second Spring"

"To the Chinese this is a time when a woman truly comes into her own, when the distractions of the householding, childbearing, and child-reaaring years wind down and her inner beauty emerges. She now refines her wisdom and finds traditional or inventive ways to make it useful in the world."  

He also says "Chinese medicine can help women at this time in their lives to "Increase their sexual energy and vitality, control appetite and weight, calm hot flashes, reduce wrinkles, spots and other skin problems. lift your mood and your face, and improve your memory."

And according to the Cleveland Medical Centre, "Women in their 50s and 60s have more satisfying sex lives than younger women, and a report from the small-business support group Enterprise Nation revealed that more than half of new businesses started last year were set up by people over 46."

So this can be a wonderful time of new beginnings, enjoying life with newfound wisdom, and a time of looking and feeling great. 

But even if the changes that are happening are good - things are still changing - and this is going to affect your relationships. 

Dr. Christiane Northrup says, "The primary relationship that needs updating at midlife is the one you have with yourself. All other interpersonal crises that arise at this time are simply reflections of this."

It is no secret that relationship crises are a common side effect of menopause. Usually this is attributed to the crazy-making effects of the hormonal shifts occurring in a woman’s body at this time of transition. What is rarely acknowledged or understood is that as these hormone-driven changes affect the brain, they give a woman a sharper eye for inequity and injustice, and a voice that insists on speaking up about them" 

So here's your takeaway

What does this mean in terms of relationships?  You're no longer going to be OK with picking up everyone else's socks and washing them. They're old enough now to do it themselves and you have more important things to be doing with your time! And you realize - if you don't do them now, it might be too late.

laundry and menopause

That's the up side - the best case scenario. 


Typical problems

When hormones are out of balance during menopause the very typical discomforts that arise can easily cause tension in relationships

You get overwhelmed by extreme mood swings, night sweats, fatigue, and low libido and so the people you're closest to get yelled at or you're too tired to show up for them - or the people you're sleeping with find you're waking them up by throwing off the covers during the night or you no longer have an interest in a sex life with them.

This article talks about the most common causes of menopausal discomforts causing relationship friction:

Mood Swings:
Menopausal mood swings often lead women to lose patience and become irritable, shouting at whomever is nearest with little or no provocations.  Often it's their partner or kids.

Night Sweats:  Frequent intense menopausal nights sweats can disturb not only your sleep but can also wake up whomever you're sleeping with when you throw the covers off or get up to change into dry pajamas.  

Low Libido: The changes in women's hormone levels that happen during menopause, especially changes in testosterone levels, can lead to reduced libido.  Many women still deeply love their partner but simply aren't very interested in sex. 

Dryness:  Decreasing estrogen levels  can cause the tissues around your vagina to become thinner and dryer and can make intercourse painful or uncomfortable.

Fatigue:  Hormonal changes can also cause extreme fatigue that makes it hard to show up for friends and family. 

What it means

So to sum up - expect some changes.

To make sure they're the good ones - just make sure to take great care of your hormones during & after menopause.  By keeping your hormones in balance and harmony with each other - and by keeping your hormones levels from dropping too low during or after menopause, you can avoid being overrun by the discomforts and mood swings so many women experience.  This'll leave  you open and ready for the creativity that comes with looking & feeling great during these years.

For my tips on how to do this with natural remedies like diet, lifestyle - and especially Customized Chinese herbs - check out my free downloads (grab them below) and watch out for the next time I'm teaching my online masterclass on Chinese herbs for menopause or opening enrollment in my online program on Chinese herbs for menopause.

Here's a summary of my quick tips to get you started avoiding the typical relationship problems that crop up during menopause and get on the path to rejuvenation looking & feeling great.

First - aim to avoid most of the actual mood swings, night sweats, low libido etc.  by taking great care of your hormones during the change. 

That way what you're left with is just the natural changes that happen at this time of life...  You might feel differently - you might want different things - but you can go about getting them with good energy and a clear mind. 

Here's how you can do this


Avoid letting your hormone levels drop too low. This leads to sagging skin, dryness, low sex drive, and low energy.  

  • Feed your body with hormonal building blocks.
  • The right percentages of vegetables, healthy fats like avocado, olive oil, and fish, protein, and menopause superfoods like flax seeds in your diet help your body make hormones.
  • Supplements: I recommend going the natural route first with customized Chinese herbs HRT is also a possibility.

Avoid letting your hormones get out of balance with each other while they go through the change. This leads to mood swings, forgetfulness, irritability, hot flashes, night sweats, insomnia, and weight gain.

  • Help your body balance hormones by supporting hormone detoxifying pathways.  You can do this by getting enough vegetables including cruciferous vegetables like broccoli, which contain important detox nutrients, and their fiber will help make sure you avoid constipation (also very important for hormone detoxification.)
  • You can also and supporting liver function with things like dandelion root tea, juicing cilantro, parsley, and dandelion greens, of my favorite - customized Chinese herbs.
  • Support regulation of the endocrine system with adaptogenic herbs.  Your body has this thing called the endocrine system designed to micromanage your hormone levels.  You will never do better at micromanaging your hormone levels than your endocrine system does - you just can't respond the same way in real time.  What you can do is support the overall ability of your endocrine system to adjust your hormones up and down as needed more efficiently!  Adaptogenic herbs like American ginseng help the body's systems to regulate and respond to change more efficiently.

KNOW AHEAD of time what's coming  Know what changes you're likely to experience in your personality, and let your partner your kids your family and friends know.

Free masterclass

Three Steps to Easing Menopause Symptoms with Natural Remedies

menopause blueprint masterclass

Get back to enjoying life THIS year!

This information is being provided to you for educational and informational purposes only. It is being provided to you to educate you about Chinese medicine in your diet, lifestyle, and supplements and as a self-help tool for your own use. It is not personalized health advice. This information is to be used at your own risk based on your own judgment.  For my full Disclaimer, please go to

More Like This

Become and insider for exclusive updates Dana doesn't share anywhere else. 

By entering your info, you’ll become an Insider – with FREE access to exclusive insights delivered with   to your inbox. (Unsubscribe anytime in a click.) You also agree to our Terms and Privacy Policy.