3 Expert Tips For Your Sex Life At Menopause

jane steckbeck clinical sexologist intimacy expert

Jane Steckbeck

My guest on the blog this week, Jane Steckbeck

is passionate about empowering women about their sexuality.  And as a clinical sexologist and intimacy coach this is her topic!

And in this blog Jane has 3 practical tips and one big attitude to share with us on how to have empowered sexuality and a great relationship with yourself during & after menopause.

Click Here to visit Jane's website & join her newsletter. 

Why we need to talk about menopause and your sex life

This blog came about because when I asked how you were celebrating Valentine's day, I received answers like these: 


Divorced:  I'm divorced so there's no one in my life, so I'm not doing anything romantic or sexual.


Low Libido I'm single but ready to start looking for a relationship, but what man will be interested in a relationship with someone who has no interest in sex.


Lost Interest I'm still totally in love with my partner but I'm just not interested in sex anymore.

Why does it matter?  Why shouldn't the sexual part of your life be over at menopause?  

As Jane says: If you're not celebrating because don't have partner, your libido is down, or sex has become uncomfortable due to dryness,  you're missing a huge opportunity to be your own best lover and still a have a good romantic time and connect deeply with yourself.

Becoming your own best lover is a GREAT way to spark your libido at midlife whether you have a partner or not.

As Chinese medicine says, a healthy sex life is important for your mental and physical health.  We say having just the right amount of sexual activity (not too much, not too little) is the best thing for your health during your whole life.  

It shouldn't be over because:

Because it doesn't have to be.  Because it feels good.  Because it's ours for the claiming.  Because it helps us feel happy, beautiful, connected, in love with our own bodies, fulfilled, loved, and satisfied.  Because it can put this special smile on your face that makes everyone else wonder what you've been up to and why you look so glowing... 

Plus click here for Jane's blog with help finding a new partner at midlife. 

So start with this one big attitude


Develop an attitude of reverence towards your body

Stand in AWE of your body.  

The starting point is to stand up and say I want to OWN my sexuality.  We have to be the ones to turn ourselves on.

Try going out into the world feeling your inner flirt - the world will look at you differently (talk about attractive.)

Developing this reverence, this self love, this deep and loving relationship with yourself and owning your own sexuality has some great benefits.  It'll help:

  • Make you bulletproof to criticism
  • Help you have a deep feeling of connection and deep self love w/out needing a partner to give you that external validation
  • It can boost or bring back your libido.  You'll find loving yourself and having an active sexual relationship with yourself is integral to your libido.  If you're the one who can generate your own orgasms, it's going to go very well for you

Getting our sexuality right is part of coming into our wisdom.  It's no longer about what a partner wants and what pleases them.  It's time to make sure we're asking, "What pleases me?"

And in Chinese Medicine menopause is known as The Second Spring and is a time of blossoming.  It's not meant to be the end of your sex life - just a great new chapter.   

How do you develop this feeling of Reverence?  

Try starting with mirror work.  CLICK HERE for a blog post from Jane on how to get started.

Then use these 3 practical tips for great sex after 40, 50, 60, and beyond


Self Pleasure

Learn what turns you on

Learn what turns you on by self pleasuring - yes that means masturbate.  Think it's not as good as sex with a guy or you won't get as turned on?  Check out what Jane has to say about it in the video. 

There are so many good reasons to do it:

  • It helps us stay connected to how our bodies are changing and how our sexual responses are changing so we can still get pleasure and instruct our partners 
  •  It puts us in charge so we can claim ownership of our own pleasure
  •  Include penetration because it helps to stay used to it and keep muscles from tightening up. 

How to get started

Jane reports that women come to her in distress all the time because they tried to have intercourse penis just would not insert.  She says what happens is that from disusue, the muscles can become so tight there's no room - it's like a blockage. 

So include penetrative sex as a regular part of your masturbation.  There are great tools that can help you get started like a dilator kit (without vibration) or the Femani Wand.  Both come in a kit with different sizes - so you can start small and gradually work your way up, getting the muscles to relax again,  without ever having any pain.  

CLICK HERE to visit the Betty Dodson and Carlin Ross website Jane mentions as one of the leading sex health educators in the world 

CLICK HERE to check out the Dodson & Ross Youtube channel

CLICK HERE to see the first blog I did with Jane where we linked to the dilator kits, Femani wand, and other handy products

If you've enjoyed this article - please SHARE it with your sisters, mothers, girlfriends, and coworkers


Products for yoni health

Caring for your most delicate tissues

Will help you stay comfortable during sex whether it's with yourself or a partner.  Even if you're not having sex, taking good care of your tissues will help you be ready for it in the future. 

It can also help protect you against UTIs, incontinence, and pain. 

Here's how to get started

  • Consider bio-identical hormones or herbal remedies to help keep hormone levels high enough to support plump tissues.
  • Consider topical hormones like suppositories or topical creams with DHEA or phytoestrogens
  • Consider moisturizers and lubes like Aloe Cadabra that can be inserted with a lube shooter for moisture high up in the vaginal canal Be sure to check out this blog post for info on what ingredients to AVOID in your moisturizers and lubes
  • Consider a topical which uses hyaluronic acid for its plumping effect.  Tremella mushrooms are starting to be used as a natural version of hyaluronic acid! 

Click here for Jane's blog on feeling more comfortable caring for your yoni.



Stay fit for yourself

Whether it's walks, weights, dancing, or swimming, find some kind of exercise you like - and do it.

Because if your'e healthy and fit you'll have a radiance, vibrancy, and health for feeling good in your body and for attracting partner. 

Plus increasing muscle mass means more testosterone, which means more libido. 

Bottom line:  When we're fit we feel better and were more attractive to ourself and partner or potential partners.

Don't miss this opportunity

We invite you to take this journey:

Because as Jane says,

"If you haven't yet, take this journey to become sexually empowered.  

Not only will you find pleasure on your own terms, but you'll find a kick-ass self confidence emerges.

As women raised western culture we don't own our sexuality unless we mindfully claim it.  So start doing that now whether you're partnered or single.  Even if you feel you've lost your libido or sex has become painful - this invitation is open to every woman in ALL the years during & after menopause."

Put your questions in the comments below or, if you'd like them answered anonymously, send them to dana@danalavoielac.com. 



The Menopause Blueprint Masterclass

menopause blueprint masterclass

This information is being provided to you for educational and informational purposes only. It is being provided to you to educate you about Chinese medicine in your diet, lifestyle, and supplements and as a self-help tool for your own use. It is not personalized health advice. This information is to be used at your own risk based on your own judgment.  For my full Disclaimer, please go to https://danalavoielac.com/disclaimer-2/

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